The Perils of the One Night Stand

It was late and we had been drinking heavily. Carol was also flying on some kind of narcotics that she had stolen from her cousin’s purse at the bar. I was keeping myself up with caffeine pills and Red Bull. Because of my heightened level of alertness, I was acutely aware of exactly how wasted I was, and it was an uncomfortable feeling.

She was wearing one of those flimsy blouses and a very short skirt. I had been standing beside her for the last two hours at the bar. She was on her barstool and her legs were driving me mad. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. Close to closing she went to the bathroom, so I followed her back there and was able to make my move.

In the car, I felt her up all the way to her house. As soon as we opened the front door we threw ourselves on the floor of the foyer and started going at it like dogs. Despite the booze, I had no problems with my gear, and everything was rolling along smoothly until I started to come and she jammed her finger in my ass.

Before I could catch my breath the front door swung open. It was a loud disturbance, in addition to letting in the cold air. The umbrella stand took the brunt of it, but I’m pretty sure that that’s also when the framed picture of the Key Largo landscape went down as well.

I sobered up quick and backed away from the door, mostly naked and still flushed and messy. Carol screamed and I grabbed her by the shoulder to get her away from them. That was my reflexes working, but I should have offered her up immediately. The only thing that could have distracted these thugs was something for themselves, but that opportunity passed quickly. I was simply too drunk to think right. It was two state cops in full dress uniforms. One kicked the door closed with the heel of his boot. They both flashed their badges at us, as if that mattered.

“You’re both in big trouble, you’d better waive your rights to attorneys fast or we’re going to really let you have it,” said the tall one who had kicked the door closed. The other one was fat and was really keeping his eyes on Carol. At least they didn’t seem to be watching me too closely. One danger was out of the way.

Carol shouted: “What the fuck are you doing here?” I needed far more information before I was going to open my mouth.

“You’re both under arrest for sodomy. It’s a filthy thing and you’ll both be locked up for 18 months, at least. You’d better get dressed.”

“Sodomy?” screamed Carol. She started shaking and it was at this point that I realized I should have just run out the back door as soon as I heard them come in. “Get out of my house! What are you doing here?’

“We’ve been monitoring both your activities for weeks. If you don’t cooperate, we’re going to arrest you on rape charges too. I think you should cooperate or else you’ll find yourself on the list of sexual predators.”

I saw my out: “She fucking raped me, man – I had no idea what this crazy bitch was up to. I was only looking for a quick lay.” I felt her eyes on me but she didn’t say anything.

“You’re nothing but a fornicator, sir, and you know what they do with fornicators upstate, don’t you?”

“I’m very damn sure that I don’t, officer. I’d prefer to get dressed and file rape charges, officer.”

“You’re not fooling us, pal. I can see you’re under the influence of several substances and if you resist this arrest, you’ll go down for internal drug possession too. Face it, we’ve got you by your balls.”

“I’ve only been drinking and you cant prove anything else!”

“I don’t need to prove anything else. Are you going to keep talking?”

“Hell, no.”

The fat one grabbed me by my waist. Maybe I had been wrong about his sexual proclivities. I scrambled for my clothes and he let me get dressed. The tall one started walking towards Carol and she got the message. She dressed and was really crying now.

They led us out of her house and as I stepped through the front door and out into the night, I put my shoe on the broken glass of the Key Largo landscape. I looked down. The sun looked to be dipping itself in the dark blue of the ocean, pausing in the good feeling of it. It was beautiful, and that image would stick in my head for a long time to come.

- posted by seanmh @ 10:06 AM