I had this great plan to live every day as if it were my last.

Unfortunately, since I have a very poor sense of responsibility, this would mean that all of my daily tasks, particularly at work, would simply be left undone, knowing that by the time someone would get pissed about it, I'd be dead.

Let me also clarify the last post for my unreaders anyway. It's not that I want, necessarily, or seek, a separation from my family. It's just that as long as theyre going to be total pricks or at least passive and judgmental players in my current struggles, they, and everyone else who feels the same, can kiss my ass. It's great to find out who your true friends are; even better your true family.

Maybe if they lived like each day were my last, they'd act in a more presentable way.

- posted by seanmh @ 10:51 AM

 

Separation from family nearly complete. Goal: to reduce circle of people around me to: girlfriend, children. Can really start hating then. List of people to hate grows exponentially each minute. It's a virus, a bug of hate. Attaches itself to anyone worthy of hating: nearly everyone. Boring slouches or arrogant twerps, each. Get out of my office. Get off my plane. Get out of my way. Get off get out get gone. Nobody wants you around. I'm everyone, the only one.

They live through fakery as if it's a necessity. They want through greed as if it makes them normal. Crying on cue, laughing at props.

I ask myself "is this a dream?" not out of inward obsession but rather out of outward amazement. Can you really be that stupid? Are you serious? Are you for real? Impossible. Pinch me.

- posted by seanmh @ 1:25 PM

 

Oh man. I'm published. Today I held the actual book in my hands. For the first time, my name is in print (not counting newspapers). This is a very exciting day. My beautiful girlfriend is in the book as well (it's an anthology - many great new writers are featured).

You can buy the book from here: Action Poetry

- posted by seanmh @ 1:10 PM

 

Russian chocolate is bad, lacks background of capitalism. Probably won't be good for another 20 years. He's chewing on a piece now, figuring out how to spit it out. Another one is under my desk, searching for network cable outlets. Mumbling to himself.

I turn up the music to make them leave. Under desk guy slams the top of his on the underneath side of this heavy board weighed down by computer equipment. I can laugh, since he cant see me. Chewing guy thanks me with a mouth full and goes away.

I turn it up some more. Now I can close the door and be in peace. I have 153 emails to get to, new this hour. Communication is at a standstill, everyone waiting for me. First I have to fill my water bottle.

I'm eating healthy these days but now I'm hungry more often. I could eat the chocolates on my desk, but they're not very good. They were a gift, though, so I'll have to wait until the visitors from Russia leave the building before I can throw them away. But the chocolates being on my desk, though not appetizing, make me think of bad appetizing things.

From here I have to go to the bank. I'll never finish everything.

- posted by seanmh @ 4:49 PM

 

Too bad Litkicks sucks now. It used to be a place to be creative with thoughts and writing, but now it's just another hangout for cat lovers and milquetoasts. Oh well. All good things must come to an end.

- posted by seanmh @ 9:23 AM