Every day a dream is shattered. Who am I kidding? Every day millions of dreams are shattered, at least. Some big, some small. Lots of dream pieces laying on the ground, because that's only as low as gravity will take them. And they lay there in pieces, not going anywhere, not blowing away, not to be swept up by anything or anyone. Like dirt, turning to a heavy mud in our tears.

Another dream was broken today. The woman I love dearly was refused entrance into her profession of choice because she was honest about past illicit behavior. I'll admit I wasn't very gung-ho of her choice of professions (in this case), but I supported her decision and believed in her, and this comes as sad news to me, because I know how much it meant to her and I know how excited she was about it.

It's amazing what can happen during the course of twenty-four hours. In about that amount of time, I personally experienced the thrill of having money coming in, the comfort that it brought (and bought), the devastation of it being delayed, the panic and then the ease, when a short-term solution was managed, and, conversely, the general warm nervousness about her upcoming test, and her going away to another city for the day, and then excitement and anxiety about what happened, and then the extreme disappointment and sadness upon her return with the news.

Sometimes I feel like I can't go on. But in many ways, I'm impressed daily with what we as humans manage to endure. If our life were a roller coaster, they'd have shut it down years ago for being too dangerous. Life is not a roller coaster. Life is a trainwreck that we constantly live through, looking for other rails.


- posted by seanmh @ 3:23 PM

 

Another (rare) political stance. My obvious message to anyone who disagrees is: get out of the way.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
...
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand

-Bob Dylan, The Times They Are A-Changin'

From Mike Daisey

On Dec. 12, 1912, Rep. Seaborn Roddenberry (R-Ga.) proposed this amendment to the Constitution:

'Intermarriage between negros or persons of color and Caucasians . . . within the United States . . . is forever prohibited.'

The amendment did not pass, even though the majority of Americans opposed interracial marriage and advocates argued this amendment was necessary to save the sacred institution of marriage.

Please, people, all I'm asking is that you pay attention.

I'll leave you with some humor from The Deep South Comic, whose take on this issue is inspired and sound.

That is all.


- posted by seanmh @ 5:00 PM

 

Everybody's talking about the Academy Awards that aired last night.

We had gentle mild weather over the weekend, which was a nice break from the cold and chill. I took my older son to the playground. We played hockey and threw a football around, and slid on the slides, growling at each other.

When I'm not with my kids, I miss them terribly. I am fighting for more time with them, but things are difficult for a dad with no money and a bitter ex-wife living with her idiot parents.

That's a story for another blog, I suppose.

Today I am working late at work, having spent the day in relative corporate agony, putting up with trite conversation, nosy coworkers, and someone in the next cubicle who wants to make my life miserable by being a mindless twerp of a bitch. I'm not usually this antagonized by these things, or at least not to the point that I mention it here, and I don't know what was different about today that has put me into such a bad mood. Everything is making me angry today. I'm listening to a CD on my computer and simply loading web pages for some reason is making my mp3 player hesitate. Incredibly annoying. This bitch at work caused me extra work, which we found out today, by simply not doing her job. I don't mind cleaning up the shit, but you'd think they'd at least pay me what a shit-cleaner-upper makes.

I have hopes that I will get another job soon. There is a possibility that something will come up soon that would make me a little happier. Perhaps it's that possibility that is putting my nerves more on edge at this place. And perhaps it's also that I had to bring my kids back to their mother yesterday and today. And also maybe that my girlfriend is working late all week and going into training to be a cop. I'll never see her anymore, and I'll worry every minute about her safety. The people around here aren't necessarily dangerous, but they're stupid, and often, that's worse.

I hate stupid people. I am surrounded by stupidity and the demonstrated futility of the potential for human reasoning. I am surrounded by panic and sadness. I am surrounded by fear and revenge. And the only good things in my life either I have to return every other Monday to more bitterness or I never see because life is getting in the way. Money and bills and stress.

Nobody likes a whiner.


- posted by seanmh @ 6:14 PM