A friend of mine died last week. We used to play cards together, and for a time we played at his house. He was a great guy. He had moved to New York City from London, where he worked at Scotland Yard. When I met him, he was working on freelance web projects and internet security investigations.

About a year ago, he and his wife moved to Maine. He died near the Phillipines while scuba diving to research a shipwreck.

After our friend called to tell me the news, I started looking for news information about him. I figured that diving accidents abroad might be covered in some fashion somewhere.

Our friend had said that he was filming something at the time, but it turns out that for the last few months he had been working for the History Channel as a host of one of its programs. My google search brought up a news item from a newspaper in Guam as well as a few mentions on diving sites regarding the program.

Within days, it turns out that our friend's death was featured on the news on the Howard Stern radio program, the entertainment section of the New York Post, and several online news organizations, including Yahoo!News.

By today, a search for his name and "History Channel" brings up over 60 hits, including discussions on newsgroups and tributes on diving sites.

I don't know what to make of all of this. I posted a tribute to him on my personal site and struggled over whether or not to include a link to one of the many news stories about the accident and his life. In the end, I did that. My hesitation was that I didn't want to seem to be overplaying my connection to someone who is a bit of a celebrity. But in the end, I wanted anyone going to my site simply to read about what kind of person he was.

But it's all very strange. My girlfriend, it turns out, is friends with an extremely popular contestant on one of America's most popular reality tv shows. She also dated someone who has acted in film and on television, and personally knows another contestant (finalist) on another reality show.

Another one of my friends; the one who told me about my buddy's death, actually, is a screenwriter who has made films with you can now rent at Blockbuster, and who has movie star friends, such as Mickey Rourke and Ralph Macchio.

I don't know if it's part of the natural process of growing older and knowing more and more people, who subsequently pursue various interests with broad levels of success, or if it's all just strange coincidences. And the truth is, everyone dies, even movie stars, and everyone has friends, even movie stars.

But I'm not sure yet what to make of all of this. It is hard enough to put the death of someone close to you in perspective, but it is that much harder when it is a public death, mourned by people like "fans" and "the industry."

Perhaps my unsettled feelings have something to do with the fact that news of his celebrity came as just as much a shock as news of his death. In the eight months that I've spent in isolation from many of my friends, in an effort to focus on getting my life together, my friend went from normal, everyday Man's Man to television host to victim of a horrible diving accident. Perhaps it's a combination of shock, and guilt for not keeping in closer touch during this time.

But I never thought it would be the last eight months of his life.

And maybe part of my problem is that the death of celebrities has become such an event, mourned by so many people, that I am having a hard time being able to accept my loss as a personal loss rather than the "famous-person" loss that so many others might experience. I do have a lot of issues with accepting my own feelings, so this is very likely the problem.

Whatever it is, I was glad to discover that he had fans; that he had viewers and a wide group of people who appreciated him both professionally and personally. I suppose that I have to realize that his fame doesn't diminish my loss or change who he was to me, but that it simply enhances those whose lives he touched.

Not sure how to end this; I simply needed an outlet for these feelings.

Thanks for listening.



- posted by seanmh @ 3:56 PM